Relationships take work. We all know that and yet it is so easy to get distracted by the day-to-day comings and goings around us. That is why I love Free Arts so much. It is a weekly reminder that it is important to set aside everything else for an hour to focus on pure instances of building rapport and trust with others.
We have a young boy who started with us this autumn and, boy, did he start out with a bang! On the first night, he refused to sit in his chair, kept going into the supply closets to pull other items out, talked back to us and criticized both the project and his own art. I must have said his name one hundred times that night, as I tried to get him to focus. It was a good trial of patience and setting boundaries. His second night with us was similar, but there were little moments where I could tell that he was hearing me. I knew then that he was testing me and that this was going to be a process. We have had some nights where he has been happy to have us praise him for his good behavior, focus and finished project. There are other nights where he throws tantrums and tries to destroy what he has created. I just take a breath, stick with him, listen and try to encourage and guide him in the right direction. We were making some good progress when he had a big step backward and had to be asked to leave early. It broke my heart, but we knew it was the right thing to do so he would know that behaviors have consequences. The following week, I spoke to him at the beginning and said that we hoped he could stay the whole time that night and that he could talk to me at any point if he was feeling frustrated or upset. He was on his best behavior. Maybe because we had gotten through to him, or maybe because that was the week we decorated Valentine’s cookies! There was no doubt about the breakthrough that week though. He sat right with me the whole time. He has a habit of getting very down on himself and stopping half way through his projects to tear up his art or cover it all in black crayon or White Out. He started that again, so I very gently put my hand on his to get him to pause and reminded him about all of his great projects that he has done with us and that they were all ones that he had stuck with and finished. He did a little more and stopped again, but I kept talking him through and encouraging him. I could tell he wanted to keep going. He just needed that reassurance and support. He ended up finishing (and loving) his project. I gave him a high five and told him how much I loved his art and that I was so proud of him for sticking with it. He got the biggest grin and gave me another high five back… and that gave me the biggest grin.
I am learning so much from this child. He has reminded me to be patient. Relationships take time to build, especially with kids from these backgrounds where trust is not easily given. He has reminded me to listen. When he is saying that he can’t do art and wants to give up, he is really just asking for guidance and encouragement. He has reminded me to look at actions as just another form of reaching out. When he is acting out, he is just asking for attention. It is very easy to give up on someone who resists or pulls away. The true test is the good that you can do when you care enough to invest in someone. Relationships do take work, but it is definitely worth making that effort when you see the positive influence you can have on someone’s world.
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